I have been thinking about the topic of "gender nonconformity."  This is a relatively new label that has been created out of our continuing evolution of gender and gender roles.  When we look back even 40 or fewer years ago, the line between genders was so thick and wide!  Over time, we've evolved to the point where gender roles and gender expression are becoming more and more fluid.

When my first daughter was born, 29 years ago, I was determined that she would be "androgynous," and that I would give her the opportunity to explore her gender expression in a way that evolved naturally for her.  I was careful not to use pink.  I used primary colors in her nursery.  I used balloons, rather that soft "girly" stuff.  Her clothes, at least when she was really small, were pretty gender neutral.  I was sure to buy her as many blocks and fire trucks as dolls and dishes.  Her dad wasn't particulary vocal about any of it.  He left that kind of stuff to me.  Of course, if we had a boy first, I'm thinking he might have had more of a say, had I bought dolls and dishes for our son.

But, as my daughter grew, she gravitated toward the dolls and dishes, regardless of the toys that were in her room.  The blocks stayed boxed, and the trucks wheels remained unworn.  Her clothes became more frilly, and the gender neutral clothes ended up in a garage sale.

I'm not sure how this happens, but I'm sure that some of it is biological, and some of it is social.  I'm sure that when she started Montessori school at 3, much of her gender expression was influenced by her peers. I remember when she was three, and I tried to get her to wear pants to school so she could play more freely, and she said, "Amy H says girls don't wear pants!!"  She was adamant about NOT wearing pants, but I finally got her to wear them that day.  However, after that battle, I surrendered.  I realized I was going to have to pick my battles, and that wasn't going to be one of them.  From then on, and with my second daughter, they picked their clothes, whether I liked them or not. 

The gender nonconformity issue with the boy in this story is a little more extreme than my experience with my daughters was, but it did remind me of those days.  I think it's great that parents support their children's choices about gender expression.  I don't necessarily like that the parents have made such a big deal about it, to the point of the mother writing a book and having their son on national television.  I realize that she's speaking out so that other parents may understand, but I also see a little exploitation here. 

Bottom line, I'm glad we're talking about it.

Dr. G